Same Season, Different Stories
Hold on…here’s the thing: At this age, our conversations have taken a turn. We still talk about our adult kids, dream vacations, clothes that suit mid 50-year-olds, and what we’re making for dinner. But now we can also spend 20 minutes talking about ovaries without either of us thinking that’s unusual.
We thought we’d be comparing reading glasses and complaining about how early we wake up. We didn’t expect to be comparing notes about surgery, hormones, and what happens when your body takes a turn you didn’t see coming.
Our experiences are similar in some ways and very different in others, which, we’re learning, is true for a lot of women.
Lori’s experience
Several years ago, Lori had both ovaries and fallopian tubes removed. The surgery may have ended, but the questions were only beginning.
Afterward, she started reading about estrogen and hormone replacement therapy. You know how that goes: you search one reasonable question, open 47 tabs, and somehow end up in a discussion from 2013 written by someone named “HotFlashMama.”
The questions were real, though. With a genetic predisposition for ovarian and breast cancer, Lori couldn’t treat the decision as simple. The amount of information, and the conflicting opinions, felt overwhelming. Sometimes the hardest part wasn’t finding information. It was figuring out what actually applied to her.
Heidi’s experience
More recently, Heidi had an ovary removed because of a cyst. She is at a different point in the story. Right now, she doesn’t know what, if anything, will change for her.
She’s at the beginning of a conversation Lori remembers well: What should I ask? What applies to me? How will I know whether a change is related, and how do I sort through everything I’m reading?
There isn’t a tidy answer yet. For now, there is uncertainty, attention, and the relief of being able to talk with someone who understands at least part of it.
Similar, but not the same
That may be the most relatable part of all this: women can be in the same season of life and still have very different experiences. Our bodies, medical histories, symptoms, risks, and choices aren’t interchangeable. One woman’s answer may not be another woman’s answer.
But we don’t have to have identical stories to make each other feel less alone. Sometimes it helps just to hear, “Wait, you went through that too?” Sometimes it helps to laugh about the strange places an internet search can take you. And sometimes it helps to have a friend who will sit with the uncertainty instead of trying to wrap it up with a perfect solution.
For now, we’re doing what friends do: talking, comparing notes, asking better questions, and occasionally laughing at the fact that this is what comparing notes looks like these days.
What about you?
Did menopause or a surgery connected to it look different from what you expected? Was your experience like the women around you, or completely your own? We’d love to hear what helped you feel informed, understood, or simply less alone.
This post shares our personal experiences and is not medical advice. Questions about symptoms, surgery, estrogen, or hormone therapy are best discussed with a qualified healthcare professional who knows your medical history.